Life on the farm. Antics of a crazy, middle-aged woman with her B&B guests, critters and escapades!A christian Santa. Santa and Jesus.
11/16/10
Morning Chores
Well, I am hoping this blog is a bit more tame than some of the weird stuff previously! That is what happens when you are left alone with all these critters...your mind just goes off somewhere! :)
Speaking of critters...I went out this morning, as usual, to feed the llamas. We recently built a new hay feeder and it was empty...so I went to the hay shed, got some hay and hoisted it down the drive to the feeder. It has become habit over the years to count my llamas. Do women with more than 5 children just "count" them? Anyway, as I was throwing the hay over the fence and into the feeder, those nasty girls would play musical feeder and MOVE! I was having great difficulty getting an accurate count. I know I have 15. I could get to 14, knowing there were four boys in the other pasture. SO....off I run...down the drive, around the corner and into the barn...only to be met by ALL the llamas that were out feeding! Now the barn is congested when they all come in and getting a count was difficult again. I'm counting out loud...One, two, three, four...they move. One, two, three, four...they move! Arrrgh! ONE, TWO, THREE...
At this point, I raise my arms and yell...Are you paying attention here? C'mon...all together now...1,2,3,4...left, left, left, right, left! I'm marching in place and they all stop and stare! Okay, got their attention! 1,2,3,4,5...movement! NOT tolerated! "Okay ladies...sound off! I"m tired of this! One, two, three, four..." They are staring again and the movement stops! From somewhere in the rear....I hear....a very low, unmistakable...HUM! Now, if I could just get the others to "Call out" I'd be fine! That is a relative term! All the llamas were there...took two runs around the building, but I got 'em!
Here are a few pictures from around the farm! Enjoy. And, please leave a comment, if you will, so I know I'm not just here, alone with all these crazy critters!! :) Thanks!
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| Gadjit, deciding if it is too cold to come out to eat! |
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| Girls eating grain...now countable! |
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| Izzy, eating what is left in the grain bucket while I run back and forth to count! |
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| Mo, waiting at the trail for our return. |
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| The barn, obstacles and trail in the trees. |
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| Winter on the farm! |
11/11/10
B&B Nightmare!
(It is better to copy & paste links to another page before opening them so you can listen and read at the same time! Otherwise, just hit the "back" button after clicking on a link!)
Actually, this WAS a nightmare!
We recently received an iquiry for a reservation for the weekend after Thanksgiving. This is pretty late for us as most people come during the summer. Actually, this is the latest we've had guests! Our farm is picked up for winter. The deck is bare, the furniture stored in the shed. The llamas have all been moved into the big barn, so it is "filling up" quickly...beans, beans, the musical fruit! The gardens have been hit by hard frost and looks like canned spinach! Delightful! Plus, they have explained they are going to be arriving around midnight. I can't even entice them with coffee and goodies when they get here...instead I'll frighten them off when I greet them in my flannel pajamas!! So, what have we to offer our guests? Breakfast!
This is where the nightmare begins! I had a dream....
I was visitng my aunt (recently passed) and cousins back at her house in Minnesota. My kids and husband were with me and all my cousins were home. I knew we had B&B guests arriving that night and explained to my aunt that we had to leave. In the hustle and bustle of all the family there, someone said that the guests were just going to let themselves into the B&B, get some sleep and then come over here for breakfast! Great!? Travel four hours to meet us HERE for breakfast!? Okay! (It's a dream, it doesn't have to make sense!)
The next morning I awake and find my aunt in her kitchen with half a dozen family members. It's a small kitchen...so this is mayhem! People everywhere! I ask my aunt what I can make for breakfast. "Oh, help yourself... whatever is in the refrigerator!" I can't even get to it as there is a person in my way no matter which way I turn! (Can you hear that popcorn song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBYjZTdrJlA ) I dance around every person, every chair, the kitchen table...the cat, the dog, the rug...to get over to the REFRIGERATOR! I open it to find...a bowl of sloppy joes! Uh-oh! "Do you have any other food?", I ask, panic rising. She sends me to the basement to look in the freezer.
Where is the freezer? I had to search for my kids to help me find the freezer! Whom better to search for food than teenage boys! (Now, start humming the theme to the Pink Panther! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OPc7MRm4Y8 )
We're in a frickin basement...the house isn't that big! It's dark, dreary and unfinished. Quick, Family Feud...What do you find in a basement? Washer, dryer, boxes, old clothes, old Christmas stuff...and junk. If you answered "freezer"...beep!! Out of who-knows-where, my son finds a grid pattern on the floor. We have to assemble the pieces like a puzzle...are you still humming that Pink Panther tune? (Well, change it to the Jeopardy theme!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXGhvoekY44) Besides, it's a basement...I'm sure the orchestra is hiding under the stairs!
Okay, we are pushing these pieces together with no clue as to what they are supposed to look like...when "CRACK"! ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtyByefOvgQ Hum the Mission Impossible theme!)The ceiling above us starts to splinter and rain down slivers of wood! It continues until there is a square shape. At the lower edge there is a small hole with a long cord hanging down. I look at my son..."Pull it!"
Such a good mom...I run to the back wall to watch! He pulls the cord...and, and...and, just like the stairs that lead to the attic...down from the ceiling...comes...the freezer!! And, inside....it's stocked full! With venison! OMG! What do I make for breakfast? I run back upstairs!
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b5aW08ivHU)
The house is empty! My aunt appears from the other room and I ask, "What can I feed my guests? What time will they be here?" To which she replies..."Honey, I don't know what you're talking about!" I say I have guests! coming here! for breakfast! She looks at me and smirks...
"Honey, I think you were dreaming!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nOfjHPcflI
Actually, this WAS a nightmare!
We recently received an iquiry for a reservation for the weekend after Thanksgiving. This is pretty late for us as most people come during the summer. Actually, this is the latest we've had guests! Our farm is picked up for winter. The deck is bare, the furniture stored in the shed. The llamas have all been moved into the big barn, so it is "filling up" quickly...beans, beans, the musical fruit! The gardens have been hit by hard frost and looks like canned spinach! Delightful! Plus, they have explained they are going to be arriving around midnight. I can't even entice them with coffee and goodies when they get here...instead I'll frighten them off when I greet them in my flannel pajamas!! So, what have we to offer our guests? Breakfast!
This is where the nightmare begins! I had a dream....
I was visitng my aunt (recently passed) and cousins back at her house in Minnesota. My kids and husband were with me and all my cousins were home. I knew we had B&B guests arriving that night and explained to my aunt that we had to leave. In the hustle and bustle of all the family there, someone said that the guests were just going to let themselves into the B&B, get some sleep and then come over here for breakfast! Great!? Travel four hours to meet us HERE for breakfast!? Okay! (It's a dream, it doesn't have to make sense!)
The next morning I awake and find my aunt in her kitchen with half a dozen family members. It's a small kitchen...so this is mayhem! People everywhere! I ask my aunt what I can make for breakfast. "Oh, help yourself... whatever is in the refrigerator!" I can't even get to it as there is a person in my way no matter which way I turn! (Can you hear that popcorn song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBYjZTdrJlA ) I dance around every person, every chair, the kitchen table...the cat, the dog, the rug...to get over to the REFRIGERATOR! I open it to find...a bowl of sloppy joes! Uh-oh! "Do you have any other food?", I ask, panic rising. She sends me to the basement to look in the freezer.
Where is the freezer? I had to search for my kids to help me find the freezer! Whom better to search for food than teenage boys! (Now, start humming the theme to the Pink Panther! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OPc7MRm4Y8 )
We're in a frickin basement...the house isn't that big! It's dark, dreary and unfinished. Quick, Family Feud...What do you find in a basement? Washer, dryer, boxes, old clothes, old Christmas stuff...and junk. If you answered "freezer"...beep!! Out of who-knows-where, my son finds a grid pattern on the floor. We have to assemble the pieces like a puzzle...are you still humming that Pink Panther tune? (Well, change it to the Jeopardy theme!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXGhvoekY44) Besides, it's a basement...I'm sure the orchestra is hiding under the stairs!
Okay, we are pushing these pieces together with no clue as to what they are supposed to look like...when "CRACK"! ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtyByefOvgQ Hum the Mission Impossible theme!)The ceiling above us starts to splinter and rain down slivers of wood! It continues until there is a square shape. At the lower edge there is a small hole with a long cord hanging down. I look at my son..."Pull it!"
Such a good mom...I run to the back wall to watch! He pulls the cord...and, and...and, just like the stairs that lead to the attic...down from the ceiling...comes...the freezer!! And, inside....it's stocked full! With venison! OMG! What do I make for breakfast? I run back upstairs!
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-b5aW08ivHU)
The house is empty! My aunt appears from the other room and I ask, "What can I feed my guests? What time will they be here?" To which she replies..."Honey, I don't know what you're talking about!" I say I have guests! coming here! for breakfast! She looks at me and smirks...
"Honey, I think you were dreaming!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nOfjHPcflI
Our B&B
I started writing this blog about a nightmare I had...B&B Anxiety. However, I found myself explaining how our B&B is run and it is taking up so much space, you'll have to endure this posting first! :)
Now, take in mind, we are a small, family run B&B. (Kids have all left, so "I" am the family!) The inn is our home and you are treated as a family friend rather than a B&B guest. I suppose the strangest thing (well, planned thing) we do is sit down to breakfast with our guests. So far, in the 4 years of having the B&B, no one has ever booked a room while someone else was here! We're small and out of the way...not many guests! So guests don't have to dine alone we delight (or possibly cast fright upon) them with our company over breakfast! We usually end up telling stories of animals, or kids, or vacations, or work, or...pretty much anything! Seldom, if ever, has the conversation just been light chit-chat! We've heard tales of a man that lived on a banana plantation and raised his family there. A bee-keeper came and almost hired my son to give the bees their vaccinations! ;) We've had palm readers and ghost hunters, newly engaged couples and families leaving Dad's ashes...each guest has their own story, their own adventure and we love hearing about all of them! Breakfasts can last up to 3 hours! The food is pretty good, too! ;)
99% of our guests come to see the llamas. After breakfast is the time we usually go out and take a trek. One of my favorite "talks" is debunking llama myths! Yes, llamas spit! NO...YOU will probably not be spit upon! If you go to a friend's house who has a dog are you afraid you're going to get bit? You tick off the llamas, they spit. Be nice, they don't. Have grain, they kiss you! Get kisses, refuse the grain, possible spit! ;) At this point, I give a llama 101 class which includes safety. Do NOT wrap the lead around your hand. As small as llamas seem, they are very strong! You don't want to have a spooked llama and become a bob-along or a drag-along! (Don't worry, it's never happened!)
Anyway, trekking takes a bit over an hour and then we run the obstacle course. Bridge, teeter-totter, ducks, jumps, etc. Compete against the others! Then time for kisses! This has become the icing on the proverbial cake! You take grain, go out into the pasture amongst the llamas and tease them. They then give you kisses! For most of the llamas, you have to "show" them you have grain, then quickly close your hand to receive your kiss and then open your hand for the treat. However, some of the llamas are great kissers...you show up, they plant one on you! They too want their treat...and beware the evil Cinderella...no treat...SPIT!
So, this is the morning excitement. Guests usually leave to go visit one of the surrounding sites...like look for a decaying National Forest sign so they can rebuild it back home!? I start tomorrows breakfast. Rather than get up at 4 AM, I prefer to make as much ahead of time as possible so I can at least pretend to have a normal conversation!! I'll post future blogs about some of the many enlightening conversations...elephants in the hotel, painting bees for identification and searching the forest to find disembodied parts! No cadaver dogs needed...just looking for a sign!
Now, take in mind, we are a small, family run B&B. (Kids have all left, so "I" am the family!) The inn is our home and you are treated as a family friend rather than a B&B guest. I suppose the strangest thing (well, planned thing) we do is sit down to breakfast with our guests. So far, in the 4 years of having the B&B, no one has ever booked a room while someone else was here! We're small and out of the way...not many guests! So guests don't have to dine alone we delight (or possibly cast fright upon) them with our company over breakfast! We usually end up telling stories of animals, or kids, or vacations, or work, or...pretty much anything! Seldom, if ever, has the conversation just been light chit-chat! We've heard tales of a man that lived on a banana plantation and raised his family there. A bee-keeper came and almost hired my son to give the bees their vaccinations! ;) We've had palm readers and ghost hunters, newly engaged couples and families leaving Dad's ashes...each guest has their own story, their own adventure and we love hearing about all of them! Breakfasts can last up to 3 hours! The food is pretty good, too! ;)
99% of our guests come to see the llamas. After breakfast is the time we usually go out and take a trek. One of my favorite "talks" is debunking llama myths! Yes, llamas spit! NO...YOU will probably not be spit upon! If you go to a friend's house who has a dog are you afraid you're going to get bit? You tick off the llamas, they spit. Be nice, they don't. Have grain, they kiss you! Get kisses, refuse the grain, possible spit! ;) At this point, I give a llama 101 class which includes safety. Do NOT wrap the lead around your hand. As small as llamas seem, they are very strong! You don't want to have a spooked llama and become a bob-along or a drag-along! (Don't worry, it's never happened!)
Anyway, trekking takes a bit over an hour and then we run the obstacle course. Bridge, teeter-totter, ducks, jumps, etc. Compete against the others! Then time for kisses! This has become the icing on the proverbial cake! You take grain, go out into the pasture amongst the llamas and tease them. They then give you kisses! For most of the llamas, you have to "show" them you have grain, then quickly close your hand to receive your kiss and then open your hand for the treat. However, some of the llamas are great kissers...you show up, they plant one on you! They too want their treat...and beware the evil Cinderella...no treat...SPIT!
So, this is the morning excitement. Guests usually leave to go visit one of the surrounding sites...like look for a decaying National Forest sign so they can rebuild it back home!? I start tomorrows breakfast. Rather than get up at 4 AM, I prefer to make as much ahead of time as possible so I can at least pretend to have a normal conversation!! I'll post future blogs about some of the many enlightening conversations...elephants in the hotel, painting bees for identification and searching the forest to find disembodied parts! No cadaver dogs needed...just looking for a sign!
11/7/10
Chester
I love animals, but not so much pigs. They smell. I have a very keen sense of smell, so pigs are not my most favorite animals to be hugging! However, I do smile when I see a pig. I can’t help but picture my lovely mother, back in the lighter days of her youth, with her pig “Chester”.
My mother had a horrid childhood; filled with abuse no one should hear about much less endure. She has become bitter and isolates herself from the world. Her stories always turn to anger and self pity…until you talk about “Chester”. This is my mother’s story.
Chester was the tiniest piglet. The one that everyone knew would be crushed by the mother if left with the others. So, my grandfather brought him into the house to place in a box by the fire. I was to give him milk and any food I could smash up enough for him to eat. I named him Chester. He was a cute little pig. Chester grew quickly. One day he decided the box was no longer meant for him and out he popped. Running hither and dither, he knocked over every stick of furniture he bumped. Grandma took one look and yelled, “Out!” So, out Chester went. Down to the barn we went to be with the other pigs.
I didn’t stop feeding Chester just because he was no longer allowed in the house. I brought him stolen bits of bread and any leftovers I could sneak out of the house. I would detour past the barn every morning before school and give him his treats. One day, he got loose and decided to follow me down the road to the school bus. I was worried he would get lost and couldn’t think all day of anything else. Upon my arrival home, there was Chester at the end of the drive waiting for me! What a darling pig!
Now, I was a small girl and Chester was getting to be a very strong, large pig. I decide it absurd for the two of us to be walking up this long drive! So, I rode Chester home. Yep! Me and my pig. He met me almost every day after school at the end of the drive, so I could ride him home. Grandpa thought it quite funny, Grandma not so much. I sure loved that little pig.
The lines in my mother’s face seem to soften and I can see some of the sorrow in her eyes disappear with each memory she recants of life on that farm. Gee, I love that pig!
My mother had a horrid childhood; filled with abuse no one should hear about much less endure. She has become bitter and isolates herself from the world. Her stories always turn to anger and self pity…until you talk about “Chester”. This is my mother’s story.
Chester was the tiniest piglet. The one that everyone knew would be crushed by the mother if left with the others. So, my grandfather brought him into the house to place in a box by the fire. I was to give him milk and any food I could smash up enough for him to eat. I named him Chester. He was a cute little pig. Chester grew quickly. One day he decided the box was no longer meant for him and out he popped. Running hither and dither, he knocked over every stick of furniture he bumped. Grandma took one look and yelled, “Out!” So, out Chester went. Down to the barn we went to be with the other pigs.
I didn’t stop feeding Chester just because he was no longer allowed in the house. I brought him stolen bits of bread and any leftovers I could sneak out of the house. I would detour past the barn every morning before school and give him his treats. One day, he got loose and decided to follow me down the road to the school bus. I was worried he would get lost and couldn’t think all day of anything else. Upon my arrival home, there was Chester at the end of the drive waiting for me! What a darling pig!
Now, I was a small girl and Chester was getting to be a very strong, large pig. I decide it absurd for the two of us to be walking up this long drive! So, I rode Chester home. Yep! Me and my pig. He met me almost every day after school at the end of the drive, so I could ride him home. Grandpa thought it quite funny, Grandma not so much. I sure loved that little pig.
The lines in my mother’s face seem to soften and I can see some of the sorrow in her eyes disappear with each memory she recants of life on that farm. Gee, I love that pig!
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